Thursday, March 18, 2010

Hi Ho Hi Ho

Its off to my last chemo I go! I've got my ipod, today's NYT and my book already packed in my Bruce bag. My nephew gave me a Bruce Springsteen tote bag. I love it! I just started The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill. I can already tell you it is very good.

But I'm not feeling quite excited yet that this is the last one. Part of me worries that it won't be the last one. That something will happen down the road which will require me to have chemo again. That I'll never be positive that the cancer is completely gone. Also, not knowing whether I'll have radiation kind of dampens the moment. I really don't mind if I have to have the radiation, but not knowing what the next step is - thats what bothers me. I've I always been like that. I like to know what the big picture is and have a plan.

On the other hand, I will be excited to have my hair back again. I took the boys in for a hair cut and got to visit a little with our stylist. I miss her, I miss getting my hair cut. I told her that hopefully by June I'll need her services again. I am also excited that all of the little annoying things that keep me from feeling really great will go away. People always ask how I'm doing. I generally feel good but with a long list of exceptions. The tingling in my hands and now my feet. The total exhaustion I feel by 8:00 pm. Not being able to carry on a normal conversation because I have to struggle to remember the names of good friends or everyday objects. The feeling absolutely fantastic one minute and then having to go lie down the next minute. The dry eyes and aching knees and back. Yes, I'll be very happy to get rid of this list!

And I've got new tennis shoes on the way and my partner is back from luxuriating in Mexico. The weather is getting warmer and there are hints of sunshine. I actually want to cook. Summer swim season will be here soon, and Michael and Amelia are already practicing soccer. I saw a flock of robins yesterday. Good times will be here shortly.

I just need to get through my last round of chemo and the SNOW on Saturday. Yes, I think we've just about made it through this.



  1. OK so I won't moan about my gray hair anymore. Well maybe a little now and then.

  2. Oh Monique I came over to thank you for your comment on my bloggy blog and am devastated to hear to what you have been going through. I was my girlfriend's chemo buddy in 2008. She was diagnosed on Valentines Day, 2008...I can understand how your poor body has been reacting... you sound so positive though. My friend is back and well.. she was extremely positive wishes from here in Australia. Your new hair might be a bit curlier?!! A-M xx

  3. You are right. Your partner is back and so happy to think about us hitting that first ball. It has been a long hard winter.

    Here comes the sun ...